This blog is on hold indefinitely.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope to be back with you (eventually).

I’m digging this web 2.0 thing. The confluence of services and products is really starting to take us in a cool direction. They seem so simple, the concepts behind the newest web tools. Whereas I didn’t see the relevance of Twitter (and it still seems like more of a time killer than anything), Juice immediately gave me the tinglies in my you-know-what. It’s an exciting time to be involved in technology and the web. Keep it coming, guys. It’s like Christmas all year!

p.s. does the guy doing the voice over in the video sound like the sleeze ball you hope isn’t going to hit on you at a party?

Jessica Biel. Do I think she’s good looking? Mmm yep. She has pert bewbies and a nice booty. Her face is good too, I guess. Do I think she’s too good looking? Well, from here the question begs “too good looking for what?” Ever since she was crowned the sexiest woman alive by Esquire magazine back in 2005 she has been complaining that her looks are keeping her from getting hired. She was recently quoted saying:“Yeah, (my looks) really (are) a problem. I have to be blunt.”

Thank you for your honesty, Jessica. I really appreciate it, we all do. But, I don’t think that is what is at issue here. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: you’re not getting parts because you can’t act. It has nothing to do with your looks. You’re very pretty. If it was for a non speaking role that called for a pretty girl you’re cast every day of the week. Some directors, or most it seems, want the dual threat: pretty and good at acting. I don’t blame them.

Think of it this way, Jessica: be thankful for the work you’ve gotten thus far. Your looks have taken you a long way. It got you JT, baby! But when the novelty of how pretty you are (and I’m going with the assumption that most people would agree) wears off, you need to have some talent to back it up or no one will want to hire you. It’s a cruel business where beggars can be choosers. I mean, just look at Jessica Simpson. Beautiful girl. It carried her for a while. She got her TV show with Nick Lachey and had a “music career” (had is definitely the proper phraseology). But, now that we know what she looks like and she doesn’t have the talent to support her popularity, it’s all over but the crying. Don’t fight it. Use it. Write a book. Lend your remaining celebrity to a good cause like a charity. Don’t just stand on your pedestal and complain that everyone is jealous of how pretty you are and won’t work with you because of it. That’s not the problem. It’s in your head. It’s your attitude that’s poor, well, and your acting ability.

To answer the question: no, you’re not too good looking. Sorry.

I don’t care what you think about Jessica Simpson, I will always maintain my view that she is gorgeous. As for her public persona, I couldn’t give less of a shit where she shops, how much weight she has or hasn’t gained, or who she is dating. Irrelevant.

The Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. Sure, they became a pop culture fixture when Tom Cruise wore them in Risky Business. Sure, it’s “cute” when college kids wear them during 80′s themed parties. OK, the Blues Brother’s wore them. Now, it’s 2009 and they have reemerged as fashion forward? Why? Who said this was OK?

No one wears these glasses when they want to be taken seriously. That’s why they are so popular at parties and in movies: because they’re ridiculous. Because no one looks good in them. Now I have to tolerate seeing everyone try to pull them off because someone said “hey, they 80′s are fashionable again”? No. Not cool.

I didn’t say anything when Aviators got popular, but this? No, no. It has gone too far.

Katharine McPhee used to be cool. She also used to sing. What happened there?

Hint: if Lindsay and/or Ali Lohan wears them = bad idea, don’t do it.

Paris Hilton wears them? I have no further questions. Nuff said.

It is a delicate balance because soon someone is going to say “what about leg warmers”? And then it will be “how about cut off t-shirts and sweat shirts”? But the last straw will be “how about big hair”? What then?

Then everyone is going to be back to the 80′s for realzzz. And that means everyone is going to be ugly. Really ugly. Even Cindy Crawford was a little weird looking in the 80′s. That’s the “has fashion gone crazy?” litmus test. When you take Cindy Crawford and dress her up in the most up-to-date outfit and she looks stupid. That = too far. This is one particular instance where we should all be able to learn from history and prevent it from repeating itself. Please let this pass quickly…

Control top jeans, big hair and hoop ear rings not withstanding, she’s still a stone cold fox.

#5) Jon & Kate + 8 are having marriage problems.

Jon and Kate Gosselin have 8 kids and for that reason they were given their own reality TV show…on TLC. Besides the fact that she is the original Octomom, they are in the news because homeboy apparently can’t keep it in his pants…this is NEWS? The funniest part: he says he isn’t cheating on her. We’ll all find out that he’s a lying sack of shit. They will have a very public break up. Their kids will turn into drug dealers and crack whores. It’s happened a million times before and it will happen a million times more. I reiterate, why is this news?

#4) China built a sex theme park and then destroyed it.

Developers billed the attraction in Chongqing as tasteful and socially beneficial. But senior officials conducted an emergency tour of Love Land last weekend and deemed it an “evil” influence.

I KNEW IT! Sex is evil. Why are the Chinese always one step ahead of us? In all seriousness, however, I dare you to read the article and not laugh. If you find the words ‘giant genitalia’ entertaining, you can’t go wrong. How is this newsworthy?

#3) Some Sri Lankan group wants to be a sovereign nation.

Objection, your honor: esoteric. Don’t bother reading the article. But, if you insist, here it is.

#2) Lisa Rinna admits she had silicon lip injections.

Lisa Rinna ‘finally admits’ she had her lips injected with silicon and something went wrong. No shit, really? My favorite quote from the article:“I do not blow up and down my lips,” she assured fans.

Thank God! I’m not even a fan and I was worried she blew her lips up and down. What does that mean? Why is she famous? Why is this news?

#1) Sweating makes Kim Kardashian feel sexy.

Fox News reports that Kim thinks sweating is sexy. I called Ray Jay and he told me he totally agrees with that. It’s, like, amazing that celebrities do normal things. Like, who knew Kim was into sweating? I totally didn’t. But, I called Claire and Jillian and told them and they were so all about it. And I was like “really?” and they were like “ya.”

And, now, a direct quote from Kim: “I don’t go on the scale but in my closet I have a whole heap of jeans. I have on one side a whole heap of the skinny ones that I don’t fit into, they’re the ones I could lose a few pounds to get into and I only really had two pairs I would wear over and over all the time. I now fit into the ones on the other side of the closet I can fit into a little bit better. The ones I’m wearing today I couldn’t fit into at all six months ago.”

WHAT? Is it too much to ask that our celebrities be famous for a reason? I think there should be a caveat to being a celebrity: if you have no real talent or marketable skills outside of being “pretty” and being friends with other famous people, you must be, at least marginally, articulate. If not, stroll your unphotoshopped cellulite ass back to Calabasas and be stupid with the rest of your family and don’t invite cameras in so that everyone can see. Got it, Kim? Good.

Why, oh why, is this news?

My friends, I’m not sure how I feel about this new testosterone birth control shot for men. Could be cuz I’m a dude. But, mostly, I think I like the birth control decisions being entirely in the hands of the woman. Why? Other than the double standards of our society surrounding decisions like this, allow me to enumerate my position:

• Drunk guys who know they don’t need to use a condom = a lot harder to convince him that he can’t sleep with you = rape
• An increase in testosterone levels has been linked to hair loss = I hope you girls like bald guys cuz if this goes through there will be a lot more of them = rape
• If we thought STD’s (STI’s, whatever) were a burgeoning problem before, now we’re all screwed for sure = worse than rape
• And rape.
• And STD’s.
• And rape again.

Sure, the Chinese think this has a helpful and a practical real-world application, but I think this is an awful idea. Just like female birth control pills or shots, this keeps the possibility of fertilization down to 1 or 2% (yay!), but does not prevent the transmission of disease. That’s where I take issue with all of this. This gives guys a legit, medical reason NOT to use a condom. What’s to stop a horny, drunk dude in a bar who picks up a chick from just lying saying he’s taking the shots and then not using a condom? I know that gives no credit to the girl, but you know as well as I do this kind of shit WORKS all the time. How? Why? No idea.

To check out the full article click here. And for a wonderful guide to contraceptive use (with color photos!) click here.

The surprise drunks award goes to: Canada. Who knew those wily Canucks were drunkards. I mean, can you blame them? But, still. Isn’t Canada supposed to be the world’s golden child?

The no surprise award goes to: Greenland. I’d be shitfaced all the time too if I lived there. There are no roads connecting the cities and the highest grossing job is Shrimp Fishing. Fun!

The tattoo has real eyebrows – speechless…

Honestly, how long would this remain funny/entertaining/clever? Not long enough for the artist to finish the tat? That’s what I though…

Dear Mother’s of the world: Do not let Mr. Cool Ice into your house or anywhere near your daughters. Please, we don’t need any baby Cool Ice’s – EVER.

First, a dude who paints on himself the 30 artists artwork who have influenced him as an artist. Maybe you’ve seen this already, but if you haven’t, try to conceive of doing this on yourself. NUTS. I approve.

Secondly, I don’t know who these guys are or why they are painting scenes from Watchmen. I do know, however, that they are incredibly talented with aerosol paint. Like, I didn’t know it was possible to be this good. From what I can tell they only use brushes to paint black over completed scenes and lay the canvas for the next picture. Either way, who doesn’t love a good time lapse video. Am I right?

Third, and totally unrelated to art in any way, check this video out. It’s not that long and it doesn’t need explaining. Or does it…

Lastly, I happened upon a page of Ian Cameron’s photos. Never met the man and hadn’t heard of him prior to just now. His passion, it seems, is landscapes/nature scenes/bad ass photography. Below is just a small slice of the incredible gallery. Click on the pic to head over and see the rest – well worth it!

Hayden Panettiere (who will hereby be referred to as Hayden Panties because it’s easier for me to type and I can actually pronounce it) has gotten a tattoo. Dear God sweet baby Jesus this has to stop. What has to stop? you ask. Tattooing. The fact that it has become “cool” for pop culture icons to be all “tatted up” is repulsive.

That Hayden got a tattoo, I could care less. I never bought into all the hype about her (can’t act her way out of a box so I wrote her off a long time ago) but I did appreciate that she had a sort of wholesome, cute girl-next-door thing going on and it’s that that I’m sad to see evaporate. In a time when Megan Fox is worshiped for being a mega skank (who not-s0-coincidentally has tattoo’s) and not much else, Hayden gave the girls a role model of sorts. Britney Spears failed. Lindsay Lohan failed. Paris Hilton was born a failure. Nicole Ritchie failed. Jessica Simpson never sullied her image but didn’t play her cards right and, thus, has failed. Natalie Portman is too weird and reclusive. Jessica Biel is too busy being pretty and sucking on JT’s wang to make a difference. The list goes on, but Hayden had a shot. She has the poparazzi attracting looks and the hit TV show cred to stand out from the crowd. She was a potential role model rock star and she just blew it.

And for what? The worst part about it, whatever it is, it’s written in what looks like Italian cursive. That is one half step above having a Chinese character tattooed on your neck on the regrettable decisions meter. FUGLY. Stupid. Shortsighted. Tacky. We all know that when someone gets a tattoo to keep up with the cool kids there are always more to follow. The worst part about it is in five years tattoo’s won’t be cool anymore and she won’t even remember why she got it. Then, we’ll have all these has-been celebrities complaining about getting their tats removed. We will be mercilessly subjected to it. The messages will pour out to the world “don’t get tattoo’s, they’re not worth it.” We’ll probably get celebrity endorsed tattoo removal clinics. The commercials for those are going to be phenomenal…

It’s like rap. It was an underground counterculture movement. But what happened? It became mainstream. At the moment tattoo’s are edgy, counterculture, rebellious. Soon every trashy slut celebrity and wannabe will have one. Oh wait, that’s already happening. But, go ahead H. Panties, flaunt it. Make this five seconds of meaning count. It looks stupid. It’s cliche. You’re not hardcore enough to pull it off and you never will be.

To be honest, I’m disappointed. There is one hold out, however, (as far as I know) that gives me hope. Anne Hathaway. The day she gets a tattoo…well, let us hope that it never comes.

Any guesses on what H. Panties next tat will be? Two extra credit points if you guess correctly where she’ll put it.